Monday, January 24, 2011

LOVING...Cry Baby Cry

If you ask my kids they will tell you that I cry while watching most things on TV.  This morning I was watching a show called "Heavy" while running on the treadmill....crying.  Yesterday I was watching "Yes to the Dress" while running on the treadmill...crying.  I watch the news and most definitely's so sad.  I watch any of the baby shows and cry LIKE a baby.

I don't watch scary or horror movies so I wouldn't cry of course during those, but chick doesn't take long for the water works to start.  I actually think my kids might be embarrassed at how easy I cry.  So this morning I was thinking to myself "why am I crying...what the heck...."  If I have to be honest, the tears are mostly for reason's of joy, happiness, heartbreak, or for someone being unfairly treated or judged...but mostly joy.

Growing up I thought that crying was a sign of weakness.  I think I trained myself to not cry and I created walls around my emotions to be callous, hard, skeptical, black and white....protected.  I protected myself from feeling the emotion that would make you cry because then I would have to really feel life, to love, to feel fear, to be charitable, to be forgiving or just be accepting in a world that I felt was unfair and cruel.

It was all about protecting myself.  Crying was for babies and for people who could not deal with problems.  It was a very cold and sometimes lonely place to be.  So what changed?

I grew up, I allowed to love and to be loved, I started accepting people for who they are, I recognized that life is hard and not everyone deals with it the same, that life throws us curve balls that we can't explain, that their is more to this life than feeling sorry for ourselves and that to have empathy for someone is a deep connection that opens up a whole other can of worms, that I liked. It felt good to have that feeling of caring for someone or something besides your own situation. I often times feel that when I see something that brings a tear to my eye that I am being reminded that we are being looked after by a higher power and that we are able to find joy and happiness around us if we are willing to look for it.

When my Dad died I think it was one of the first time that I really cried. I was angry, sad and hurt.  This opened up the doorway for me to realize that crying helped.  It helped my to cope with this sadness, cope with the hurt and to feel better on those days that were really tough for me.  I think I learned to open my heart more. My Dad loved life and I wanted to share that with him. He wasn't afraid of having an adventure and living on the wild side.  By wild I mean through adrenaline...feeling life to it's fullest.

That is how I want to live this life... to it's fullest.  As I have matured I find that I cry more easily because I am happy that people can reach their goals, find love, have babies, be married, find the perfect wedding dress, lose weight, reunite with family members or just be happy.  Seeing happy people, happy situations, happy lives makes me cry.  Joy is so hard for some to reach and hold on too that when I see it actually coming to fruition it brings a wonderful sense of love and joy to my heart.  I love this feeling.

So crying for me is something good.  It connects me with people. It gives me an opportunity to feel love towards mankind.  It opens me up to an experience that I would not have had otherwise.  It gives me a chance to see them differently, to try and understand their journey, to be accepting of them for whom they are. To ultimately laugh, grieve, smile, curse, react with them, so that I can hopefully understand them better.  I want to learn from those around me and become a better person.  Crying is one way that I feel has allowed me to love others more openly.  It made me closer to who I was meant to be as a daughter of God.  It allowed me to feel charity, mercy, hope, kindness and love towards mankind.  Isn't that how we all want to feel and to be looked at?

so, Yes, I am a cry baby!  I have seen myself from both sides of the coin and I can tell you that this side is where I want to always be.  Live your life, be true to yourself and enjoy everyday....

No comments:

Post a Comment